Have you noticed how amusement parks strategically have the gift shops and ride photo kiosks located on your way out of the establishment? Have you noticed how you were easily convinced to purchase photos or novelty items from the shop? If you have bought a photo, where does it usually end up at? Personally, I noticed that these photos don’t end up in a picture frame in our living room. They usually end up still in its original bag it came from or inside the truck of our car. If you’re like us, we usually find these in the undercarriage area of our children’s stroller.
What made you purchase unnecessary items? Emotions. You just got out of an electrifying experience. That thrilling ride just stimulated your judgement, making it a great idea to purchase relatively useless things.
Emotions come in many forms and it can get the best of you in several different scenarios. If you’re reading this post, you’re most likely in a corporate setting--as a leader or as an individual contributor. Emotions can cloud our judgement at work as well. It will not only hurt your personal brand, but it can negatively affect your output at work and folks with whom you manage.
According to Robert Kiyosaki, author of bestselling book, “Rich Dad Poor Dad,” emotion is “energy in motion.” That said, emotion needs to be used in your advantage. In order to harness emotion to your advantage, you’ll need to be effective in “observing” emotions, instead of “reacting” to it. Being an observer of emotions allows you to step back, identify the triggers of the emotions, and act accordingly. It’s ideal that you’re able to identify the triggers before the actual emotion emerges. This puts you in a much better position to act appropriately and logically, instead of acting upon compulsive actions driven by your emotions.
Composure under pressure is a good indicator of a great leader. You remember seeing short clips or photos of sports coaches who seem to have no emotional reaction to a play despite everyone else in the background going wild. In sports, composure during a riveting play can make a difference in planning and in executing the right play to get the win. That’s the same in a corporate setting. Leaders (and even individual contributors) who are unable to handle the stress or the emotion of ongoing events will tend to make decisions that are not well-thought out.
Earlier in this article, I talked about observing rather than reacting, but what would you do after you’ve observed the situation that’s triggering your emotions? Instead of reacting, respond. Responding tends to be a calculated, logically-driven acknowledgement of a triggering scenario.
Observers tend to notice the important things within the noise. They’re able to filter out the noise and unnecessary stimuli. Leaders who are observers and who are great in keeping their emotions at check are optimistic people, but they don’t deny the fact that things can get worse. Thus, the “Stockdale Paradox.”
Stockdale Paradox
Admiral Jim Stockdale was a U.S. Navy officer who was held captive for several years during the Vietnam War. Stockdale knew that he will prevail at the end, but he confronted the reality of his situation. Many of those in captive with him were also optimistic. Stockdale shared that these individuals have promised themselves to be back home in Christmas, or in Easter, or in Christmas, again. The coming and going of these arbitrary timelines trampled the hopes of his fellow prisoners. The delusion of quickly arriving to a much favorable scenario helped them cope with their situation in the short-term, but it didn’t prepare them to face the painful reality that they may have to endure many more years being tortured and held captive against their will. . I’d like to call this “realistic optimism.”
The Stockdale Paradox is another way to control one’s reaction to emotion—both exciting and frightening emotions. You’ll see athletes prematurely celebrating a win right before the more composed opponent sneaked from behind to steal the win. It can be leaders in an organization reacting so emotionally towards their staff that left an unforgettable stain in their reputation as leaders—or worse, it would drive great employees to leave the company.
Finally, the question you need to ask yourself at the end would be “How” questions. Mediocre leaders tend to point outward when confronted by difficult situations. They find others (people or situations) to blame, instead of taking ownership. Before you act, ask yourself “how” questions.
How can I improve this situation?
How I can change what I do to avoid such scenarios?
How can I provide a solution to this scenario?
Asking the “how” focuses more on productive outputs instead of lingering within the cloud of the emotional state.
To summarize this article, here are the key components on how to keep your emotions at check:
· Observe triggers to your emotions—plan the actions to take when you see those triggers.
· Don’t take things personally.
· Respond, don’t react.
· Filter out all the unnecessary noise to find what’s important or what matters.
· Be positive, but be realistic—realistic optimism.
· Ask “how” questions to find solutions.
Can you share some personal tips on how to keep your emotions at check? Can you share some learning instances when you were able to successfully overcome an emotional outburst or a time when you failed to do so? Please share in the comments below.